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Saturday, April 29, 2006

Garfield the Monstrosity

Things were going real bad for Jim Davis throughout the 90’s. The humor in his Garfield comic strip had gone down the tube. What was the reason? Well, it seemed as though every Garfield comic consisted of just Garfield insulting Jon. Characters like Arlene, Nermal, Liz, and even Odie the dog stopped appearing, and really to this day only make scarce appearances. Plus in 2001, one of the shoes had to drop by Lorenzo Music, the original voice of Garfield, to pass away. A sad event that was. Now we KNEW that any attempt at fully reviving a Garfield series would be meaningless. Nobody could replace Lorenzo. Garfield right there, died on the spot.
Then, Davis got an idea. An AWFUL idea. Davis got a wonderful, AWFUL idea! It was decided, now that Music was gone, to make a Garfield movie right there on the spot, and look for a new voice. But, who could replace Lorenzo? Logically, Davis should have looked for someone that sounded similar to Lorenzo. But, you know, that be too difficult, so Davis decided to just go the easy way out. Look for someone who sounded NOTHING like Lorenzo Music. For some reason, his crystal ball suggested Bill Murray.
Jim must have forgotten that Bill hated Lorenzo’s performance as Pete Venkman on “Ghostbusters”, unless Davis thought that Bill would like to have sweet revenge. Who knows? Bill probably liked the idea and said yes.
Now for a plot. Jim could have easily done what Spike Lee does with his superhero films and have the film be based on actual storylines from the actual comics. But, as The Pointy-Haired Boss from Dilbert once said, “If it’s easy, it probably isn’t worth doing.” Davis knew that, and when on his way. In the movie, Jon gets Odie from Liz the veterinarian, instead of from Lyman, Jon’s roommate in the early years of the strip, thus not being very loyal to his own firmament, or his fans who crave continuity. It’d be like if the Spider-Man filmmakers decided that Peter Parker was GIVEN his spider powers as a Christmas gift from E.B. White. But, then again, Hollywood can do anything they want, right?
The supporting cast is out of whack as well. Arlene is present, but does not acknowledge being Garfield’s girlfriend, and so is Nermal, but does not antagonize Garfield about being cuter than the orange orange. Also, Liz has an actual interest in Jon, and ends up in his caring arms at the end of the film! Uh-huh. But, thankfully the fans knew what to do in response to this unforgivable lumber. Curse it like there was no tomorrow!
Jim Davis must have taken the cursing pretty hard, and was filled with hurt in his controvertible heart. So he decides to gain revenge on us. Something that will teach us a lesson we will never forget. What’s that he plans? A SEQUEL! You heard me right, a sequel! I don’t think there’s anything we can do to fight back on this one. This is the ultimate revenge card Davis could have pulled. I’m sorry to say, but I think Davis has won the war. The only thing we can do is choose not to see it. But, we know it’ll still make good money. All those brainwashed kids, and their skittish soccer moms won’t know the difference between right from wound. They’ll be so confused, seeing an ugly live-like cat dancing around and shaking his sour stuff, completely different from the flat, cartoon feline present in the comic pages next to Fox Trot. Okay, I’m being paranoid. I just see this as an end of the world sort of deal. It’s just frustrating knowing that Jim Davis doesn’t know when to quit, or when to hire real comic strip writers who know how to be funny. It’s also shameful that Davis has ordered his grandchildren and great-grandchildren to take over the strip when his last breath is used. Talk about setting an automatic career for you not-even-old-yet decedents. What a way to be remembered. Not just for letting a cartoon cat be run into the ground, but to assume that the career you dish out is what your grand kids want. Humph! Sure glad he ain’t my grand-daddy.


Anonymous Nic Kramer said...

Uhh.. I agree with what you said but don't you think that mothers would complain about that soccer mom remark here?

5/05/2006 5:11 PM

Blogger BrandonPierce said...

Why not? They ARE soccer moms.

Okay, I apologize.

5/07/2006 7:58 AM


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