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Saturday, September 30, 2006

I just want to say something to Emma Watson


PLEASE DON'T LEAVE THE HARRY POTTER FILMS! I'm sure that you know that AOL and Internet Movie Database have both been announcing that you are considering leaving the Harry Potter cinematography genre. Now, bare in mind, I understand that no one should force someone to do something they don't want to do, but I think it builds character (okay, I don't I'm just thinking up excuses).
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Seriously, Miss Watson, what can us, the fans do to reinstate your thoughts of staying with the HP crew? Here are some ideas I have thought up.
  • Send threatening letters and emails to various UK networks, a la BBC, and ransom-bribe them into giving you your own daytime talkshow.
  • Have Dan and Rupert been mean? Tell ya what. We shall hire hitman to stalk them whenever they open their snide mouths (actually, this is not to say Dan or Rupert are foulmouths. I just think seeing them get beat up would be comical. So discard this offer entirely).
  • If you don't re-sign for the last 2 HP films, we will hunt you down, kidnap you, shove you in a satellite, blast you into outer space, and force you to watch the worst movies ever made. *cue MST3K theme*
  • The "Emma Watson Reconsider Fund" will be opening, with various Watson fans donating money, strictly to go into Emma's pocket (and if she has a hole, whatever pounds fall out are fair game for citizens).
  • When fans approach you, they will always address you by your full name: Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson
  • Jabs will be taken at you for attending Oxford (there's nothing wrong with that, mind you, but it sounded like a good plan in my head).
  • Smuggled video recordings of your old school play performances will be uploaded to YouTube (and really, who wants to be associated with YouTube?)
  • Rumors will be spread that your hair is not naturally blonde, and that you are a British worm baby, cloned from American actress Kerri Green.
  • Your two cats Dominos and Bubbles, will have a white stripe added to their backs, in our hopes that a French skunk gets attracted to them.
  • You will be strapped to a wooden chair and forced to watch "The Little Match Girl" over and over, and over again, until you die from dehydration.

Okay-dokay, Emma. Do these idle threats stir any fear? Makin' you change your mind about quitting Harry Potter? Okay, I have one more spear to throw. Picture this. You quit HP, and WB decides to replace you with...

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HILLARY DUFF OR LINDSEY LOHAN!!!! AAAAAAAAHHH!!!! The horror!

Okay, Emma, I'm through ranting. Now keep in mind. Whatever you decide is ALL UP TO YOU. Do not let this blog entry intimidate you. It was written to give you, and other HP fans a laugh. And if you do change your mind, well I'll be expecting a check in the mail (not really), acknowledging that I helped you. Good Day.


-Brandon "predicts to be murdered by Emma Watson soon" Pierce

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